A Life That's Cruciform

© JD Warrick, used under Creative Common License.

It's those bedtime questions that can require the very most we have to give.

I remember hearing Chuck Swindoll say one time that for parents, it's those moments we're tucking them in when kids are the most talkative. Don't rush through bedtime with your kids, he encouraged. They'll do anything to delay switching off the light. Talk to them. Listen to them. Take advantage of their open hearts and listening ears no matter how tired you are and no matter how ready you are to be done with parenting for the day.

Austin, my 11-year-old, asked this one as I was giving him a final kiss at the end of a trying day, to put it mildly. Our 8-year-old had been through two meltdowns, our high schooler had been home sick from school and then had gotten his braces tightened. We'd been to music lessons which meant a late dinner. The boys had been squabbling.  Fishing poles and line were spider-webbed around our family room in an effort to de-tangle. And Austin and I had just finished studying for a surprise test. It was time for bed.

"Mom, if Jesus asked God a question on the cross--'My God, why have you forsaken me?'--then how could Jesus and God be just one God?"

The Trinity. Who really understands it? And how do I talk about it, and Jesus' most difficult moment here on this earth, to a tired pre-teen when I am feeling on the edge of sanity myself? Many times we've talked about the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as 3 persons in one God, like an apple or an egg or a pumpkin--all different parts of one whole. That's the best way for our human brains to grasp what we can't really get. And this is what I pulled from down deep on this night. "Because the Bible tells us that Jesus cried out to God, we know he was talking to his Father. But the Bible also tells us  that Jesus is God, and that the Lord our God is One. So, even though our minds have a hard time really understanding it, it's true. Someday we'll understand it much better."

Now that I'm rested and the fishing poles are put away, I'm thinking a little more coherently. Not about my words to Austin, but about this place of mystery in our lives. The way we all deal with the unknowing that is an undeniable part of our Christian faith. As parents, and as people in relationship with God, we want to nail down the answers. We want to figure it out and learn it so we can defend it, and more, so we can live in an inner place of comfort.

I'm reading a book that pokes at this tendency of ours to want neat and tidy answers. To beneat and tidy people. It's titled Chasing Francis by Ian Morgan Cron and is the fictional story of a pastor who has a breakdown of sorts and travels to Italy to encounter Francis of Assisi in his millenia-old surroundings.

In talking with a few priests who are hosting him, the pastor begins to see his own unknowing, his own brokenness, with new eyes.

"You'll never be able to speak into their souls unless you speak the truth about your own wounds," one of the priest says. "They want a leader who's authentic, someone trying to figure out how to follow the Lord Jesus in the joy and wreckage of life. They need you, not Moses."

And then the priest says, "Do you know how Simon Tugwell described Franciscanism? He called it 'the radically unprotected life,' a life that's cruciform in shape. ... Maybe living the unprotected life is what it means to be a Christian."

That night with Austin and a house full of tangle--it was the right night for a question without a good answer. It was the right night to remember Jesus' agony in relationship with his Father. And, perhaps my weary attempt was what it needed to be. The mystery of God, the cries of our suffering Servant, and the untidiness of me--they're things my kids need to see. And that image of the cross, I hope it comes to mind every time I'm spent and need to share just a little more of myself.

*The TAU cross shape in the photo above is the one that Francis of Assisi used in all his writings, minus the head. He painted it on the walls and doors of places he stayed and used it as his only signature. The TAU is a letter in both the Hebrew and Greek alphabets and has long been used as a sign of the cross. This stained glass is found in the St. Francis of Assisi Parish, Sacramento, CA.

Rhythm

Rhythm, if there is something that I know it’s that some of us have rhythm naturally and some of us don’t. One of my favorite things of living in West Africa is the dancing, and maybe that’s cliché but it’s true. There is something so beautiful watching Africans dancing and every tribe or region has its very own dance. The music doesn’t matter, most often there isn’t any music, only the drums and that’s all that matters, the rhythm. Last week our campus celebrated the graduation of the discipleship training school and part of the celebration was dancing. In one particular dance, the African men would do the dance out front and then the women, both sets completely on time and amazingly agile. There were three non-Africans with them, whites to be specific, and they too joined in the dance. But it was quite a different dance. Not because they intended on doing a different dance but something in them couldn’t quite find the rhythm. They had fun and everyone cheered for them but the rhythm just wasn’t there.

In Good Dirt, we talk about setting up a rhythm to doing the devotional with our children. Trying to set a rhythm to it and work it into our daily lives. Although we are four months into it, I have struggled over and over again to do a set rhythm and I have finally thrown my hands up in defeat. I can’t seem to get the attention of my children to do it more than once a day, actually that once a day is a challenge by itself. As I wonder if I am the only white girl who can’t find the rhythm in this figurative dance (because I am always that white girl in the real dancing around here) I realize that I am trying to dance my own families dance to someone else’s drum beat. Our family isn’t the formal type, we are not very good at specific set traditions; we are more the spontaneous, flexible family type. So I have had to come up with our own rhythm, starting with getting my two year old on my lap and getting her to ask Jesus to focus her heart, her mind, her eyes, her ears, and all of her on him, while pointing to each body part as she does it. Wow, it has worked wonders in getting her to engage in reading time. I have started to try to simply incorporate our talking to God throughout the day as I remember. It’s starting to look a bit more like a beautiful dance with God. I finally see it, it’s not a sloppy movement of good intentions, but rather a rhythm of dancing with God in the everyday sloppiness of our lives. Maybe I will only have to be the rhythm-less white girl in the actually dancing. Here is to each family finding their rhythm of dancing with God.

Taking God on Vacation

A friend once asked, "Do you pray with your kids at breakfast? Why not?" We talked about it and I didn't have a good reason for why not, other than that breakfast was a less formal meal around our house and often we didn't all eat at the same time. I'd never thought about it before.

In similar fashion, I asked myself another question a few  years ago as we prepared for a big family getaway. "Do we take God on vacation? Why not? Does it make any sense to break from family devotions, time in God's Word, prayer, when we're seeing spectacular places in creation and having times of quiet and refreshing that are ideal for turning us toward God?"

So I decided on that trip to be intentional. "What will make the time most meaningful, and how can I plan for what's really important so that it doesn't get lost in all that's urgent in prepping for the trip?"

I decided that since we'd be spending many hours in the car on the way to the Grand Canyon, there would be ample time for looking to God, reading his Word together, and talking about what we were reading. Why wouldn't we do this when we were planning all sorts of other ways to pass the time in the car to avoid whining and fighting and wiggles?

We brought along Meet the Bible and every day on the road we made devotions our first pastime as we traveled the highway toward our next stop. Grammy (my mom) was with us on that trip, and the time having devotions together turned out to be not just meaningful and not just God-focused, but a time we won't forget. Grammy shared stories from her life as we all talked about the Scriptures. The kids listened and responded to her and asked questions about the stories. They didn't complain, didn't think any of it strange, and the presence of God permeated the trip in a way that felt natural, that felt good.

Well, spring break has just ended, and another family vacation. This one quite different from that Grand Canyon road trip. This time we flew to Florida to watch our high-schooler perform at Disney with his school band and choir. Devotions didn't work on the airplane, but Good Dirt and a small Bible were tucked into my carry-on and we pulled them out at the hotel. Yep, spread across hotel beds we read and talked together. I have to say-- it beat Direct TV hands down.

And once again, sitting with God and turning to the Spirit in a land of magic, dreams, and wishes helped anchor us in the Kingdom that is true, dreams that are God-given and wishes that are prayers offered not just on our own behalf but for a world in need of the God of hope.

Taking God on vacation needn't look the same for every family. We didn't get our devotion time in every day, and maybe your family time with God will take on a new and different rhythm from your time at home. Maybe you won't use a book. You might speak Scripture from memory. You might focus your family time on prayer. Or on journaling individually.

God will guide as you plan for vacation. His yoke is easy and his burden is light (i.e. not legalistic!). Ask for the Spirit to light the way to a plan that's just right for your family's next getaway. Then, when I bump into you and ask, "Do you take God on vacation?" you can tell me about all the ways you got away from home while getting closer to God in the face of new vistas and inspiring surroundings. I can't wait to hear all about it!

The Opportunity of Night

Nights can be tough for children. The "If I should die before I wake," sorts of prayers aren't really helping things. Seriously. Nights, specifically right before bed, open the space for deep conversations and rich solitude. As a parent I view 8:30 as the finish line to freedom and I fight the urge to rush our end of the day conversations and prayers. Gone are the days when they can't read the prayers and therefore don't know I skipped the middle.

Now they read and lead the prayers, good stuff for sure, but it takes longer.

For Lent, I'm practicing slow bedtime. Long conversations and lingering prayers. I'm convinced (or I wouldn't be doing it) that this time prepares the space for solitude which is quiet, alone, private time with God.

Here's the Evening Prayer we're using this season.

Child-Like Friendship with God: Evening Prayer

Together in BOLD and Italicized

May the Lord Almighty grant me and those I love a peaceful night and a perfect end. Amen.

Our help is in the Name of the Lord; the maker of heaven and earth.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever. Amen

Luke 18:16-17

But Jesus called for them and said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.’

A time of silence to review the day. (This is where you might ask your "Weed" questions from Good Dirt.)

Psalm 131

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up.

My eyes are not raised too high for thee.

I do not think on things to great or marvelous

Or matters too difficult for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul

Like a weaned child with its mother is my soul within me.

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, Lord make me dwell in safety.

The Lord’s Prayer

Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work or watch or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ, give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous, and all for your love’s sake. Amen.

Lord, you now have set us free to go in peace as you have promised; for these eyes of mine have seen the Savior, whom you have prepared for all the world to see: a Light to enlighten the nations, and the glory of your people Israel. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever more shall be. Amen.

*Pieced together from Phyllis Tickle’s Divine Hours and Shane Clairborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove’s Common Prayer

The Poison in Every Day

I've thought a lot about sin and how we define sin these days, especially with kids. I went through many hours of training with the organization Child Evangelism Fellowship, and we memorized a definition, with motions, for sin.

"Sin is anything I think, say, or do that makes God sad or breaks his rules."

In my years of church and Bible club teaching, I've used the definition countless times in explaining and reminding kids as we talk about sin and salvation. But over time I've tweaked the definition to make it one I think will speak to kids even better ... and will travel with them as they grow.

"Sin is anything I think, say, or do that makes God sad because I'm doing it my way instead of God's way."

We live in a Postmodern world where truth is thought to be relative and so right and wrong are simply matters of personal decision. Really, the words right and wrong don't have much of a place in our culture anymore. And while most young children don't have issues with understanding sin and their own wrong-doing, the world they live in will soon test their inborn convictions.

All of these realities came to mind as two of my boys and I read John 7, a passage where Jesus stays away from Judea because the Jews are looking for an opportunity to kill him. "The world ... hates me because I testify against it that its works are evil" (v. 7). As we used our Good Dirt devotional we talked about why people don't like admitting they are wrong. And we talked about the discipline of Confession, telling God the truth about ourselves.

We took some quiet moments to pray silently, each of us, confessing our sin to God and asking for forgiveness. It was good time. Often in the past I have prayed with the boys before bed and asked God to forgive "us" for our sin from the day, knowing that we can only ask forgiveness for our own selves, but hoping my boys will take to this prayer of confession and make it their own. How much better, though, to let the quiet give them a place to do it personally, right here and now.

How often we forget even to acknowledge sin and ask forgiveness. It's so easy, on our own and with kids in prayer, to ask for things and thank God for blessings. We're forgiven once and for all through Jesus' death on the cross. But we still struggle with sin in this life. Paul talks about it often in his letters in the Bible. Without regular confession of sin, and the receiving of God's forgiveness, our hearts can't stay tender and humble, letting God be God.

I recently heard the author of a children's Bible speak on the radio. Sally Lloyd Jones (The Jesus Storybook Bible) talked about how we can explain sin to children.

"It's like running away and hiding and thinking you can be happy without God, but God knows there is no such thing."

"It's a poison that makes your heart sick, so it won't work properly anymore."

When Jesus came to walk the earth and live with people, he was all about the heart. Everything we do and are is an overflow of the heart, Jesus stressed again and again. The heart can't be happy without God. And the heart can't be healthy without God.

May we, and our kids, guard our hearts every day by telling on ourselves. We need the discipline of Confession. It will travel with us as we grow.

An 8-Year-Old's Thoughts on Family Devotions

We're about a quarter of the way through our year-long experiment doing family devotions together (almost) every night, so I thought I'd check in with our 8-year old, Lauren, to get her take on how it's going. Here's what she had to say.

What's your favorite part of Good Dirt so far?

I like answering the questions you ask, because I like knowing the answers. Knowing the answers makes me feel good.

What's your least favorite part?

That we do it during dinner time, because I have less time to do the dishes.

Which activity do you remember most?

Cutting off Daddy's ear! We were acting out the part in the story where Judas betrays Jesus and the one guy cut off someone's ear. I was pretending I was Jesus and Jon was the one who cut off the guy's ear. Jon used his sword and pretended to cut off Daddy's ear, then Daddy threw a fake silly putty ear on the ground and started  screaming and yelling "Ahhh, my ear got cut off!" I was supposed to heal his ear because I was pretending to be Jesus but I was laughing too hard.

You've done quite a few drawings for Good Dirt. Any of them stand out?

I remember making a picture of a horse. It was when they were getting a pony for Jesus to ride on. Jesus was riding on a pony because it was Palm Sunday.

What's one thing you remember learning  from Good Dirt so far?

Learning that Jesus heals people, even people who interrupted Him. Jesus loves everybody.

What's a Hypocrite?

I don't think we've had this particular discussion before with the boys. It was verses from the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 6) and questions in Good Dirt that got their wheels turning and, before we'd even finished the Scripture reading our 8-year-old was interrupting with, "What's a hypocrite? ... What's a hypocrite?" They couldn't really identify with Jesus' examples of blowing trumpets when giving money in church, or praying really loud on street corners, or fasting from food with troubled faces. So, the challenge was to bring hypocrisy to a kid's level.

"It's doing things so that other people will think you're a really good Christian, but you don't mean them in your heart. It's caring more about what other people think of you than what God thinks of you."

Well, that description seemed to satisfy. Except that our two younger boys haven't reached the place in life quite yet where they would conceive of doing good deeds to impress other people. It's not a motivation that resonates a whole lot with them. What you see is what you get.

However, as I've thought a little more on this, I've realized that we adults can sometimes use subtle ways of encouraging hypocrisy in our kids before they even really understand what they--and we-- are doing. For awhile our Christian school used a popular behavior program called Positive Behavior Management, where instead of focusing primarily on giving consequences for unacceptable behavior, teachers focused on praising and rewarding good and appropriate behavior. It was a big hit with the kids and it really did make a difference in the overall demeanor of the student body in classrooms and on the playground.  The kids rose to the occasion and loved being singled out for doing good things.

I wouldn't throw out this program completely. Encouraging kids is always good. Noticing the things they do right is biblical--the apostle Paul praised churches and individuals in his letters of exhortation. Praising those around us is part of loving them. The rub comes, though, when we consider what is motivating our kids to be "good," day in and day out, as they play with friends, serve their teachers and neighbors, and as they live as members of families in our homes.

That is what we ended up talking about this night where hypocrisy became our new vocabulary word. And Good Dirt helped us come to the crux of the issue with these words,

Today, Jesus is teaching us that because it is God whom we really need--not other people's approval--we don't need to act, perform, or pretend to be good to impress others. Let's practice that today by doing an act of secret service! Try not to be caught! Do something nice for someone else--maybe clean up after them when they're not looking, or make something nice for them, or do a chore for them--without telling anyone. Do it so only God sees!

That night our boys prayed, "Lord, help us not to be hypocrites. Help us not to have hypROCKrisy. Help us to do something in secret. Amen" The next night, again, they prayed for help in doing something secret--they'd forgotten. This may be an ongoing prayer. I don't think doing things in secret comes so naturally. It will be a good daily prayer for us all.

***You can get the next issue of Good Dirt by clicking on the title here and downloading for free, or you can order through Amazon. It's titled Good Dirt: Lent, Holy Week, Eastertide A Devotional for the Spiritual Formation of Families

Uh oh! Not quite...

We start the evening "Ok... lets say the Lord's Prayer together..." then I hear "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want..." oops... not what I was thinking. We giggle and try again.  What's your favorite bible verse?..."Jesus! Praise the Lord and helps the kids!" and  "For God so loved the world that he gave his only forgotten son..." uh oh again!  I  say  “What do you want to grow in your life?”  “Love? Joy? Lettuce?” Lettuce?!? Really?  These are just a few of the things we hear with our discussions about God, the bible, fruits of the Spirit, life with God and the kingdom. But we keep on keeping on. Through our daily Good Dirt readings we have learned to look at our days and remember how and where God was. Even when sometimes we didn't recognize Him.

I am so very blessed when Isabella prays for someone at her school to "walk in God's light." She attends a school full of the last chance kids. I'm not even sure she is aware that her words radiate light in that very dark place to kids from very dark homes.

Last night, our question was "when were you worried today" and watching Quinn identify where and how God helped him through that moment...that is good.  He is such a thoughtful kid, he tends to worry. For him to be able to recognize, even late, that God was there is so encouraging.

When Kadin says "Jesu(th) is with me! Jesu(th) love(th) me! Jesus help(th) kid(th)"... we remember what its all about. Our kids are being raised in church, in the word, in daily devotions, in daily prayer, in regular bible studies etc. They get some things wrong... but a lot right.

I am always learning God's heart as I grow with my kids. I re-learn those simple truths such as Jesus is with me...in this moment...in this dark place...and is so very gracious when I have it wrong. Thank you God for giving us these 3 lives to show us the way to your throne room and your living breathing kingdom.

"What if?"

First off let me start with a confession. The busyness of life has gotten the better of this family this past month and we have only managed to squeeze in a few days of family devotion time yet as I look at those few times, I always see such beauty. One of the days we managed to do Good Dirt, was a day on which Jesus taught us not to worry. Matthew 6:26 has always been one of my favorite verses; however, it was not in the context of worry for me, rather a reminder of my value as a person—that I am valuable enough to be cared for by God. I realized as I went through these verses with my children that it is easy for children growing up in a healthy household to trust God to provide for them because their parents do. It is as we grow up and begin to see the world around us that we start to need to learn this lesson of “do not worry”.

In the past year, I have been witness to many tragedies, horror stories and realities, that thankfully as a child, I didn’t know could happen to people I actually knew. It is seeing this reality, these horrors of the world around me that causes me to know why Jesus taught about not worrying in Matthew 6. When you begin to realize that these troubles of the world are a real thing, are not unusual, the temptation to fall into worry and thinking of the great “what if?” of life can become all consuming, which is why once again I say a prayer of gratefulness of being a parent.

When you are in the middle of toddler and baby chaos some days it’s easy to fall into envy of single or childless people. But wait, what does that have to do with worry? Well I may homeschool my son, but daily my children teach me in God’s ways. As we read this scripture I asked my children what three things Jesus specifically says not to worry about, and my son quickly responses “food, your clothes and the day.” That’s when it hits me, we often fear the day, the moment when each day no longer becomes a blessing but rather a day of "what if."

To not worry is more easily said than done, it takes conscious effort every day to choose to not worry. One thing works best for me: a heart of gratitude. When I think on my worries, the things that could happen or what I do not have, I become frantic, irritable and frankly rather selfish. But when I think of all that I have, when each morning instead of waking up thinking of how little sleep I had, thinking on what a gift it is to have another day where I am healthy, blessed with three wonderful children, a great marriage, worries don’t find a way in. Celebrating that each day, each penny received, each plate of food put in front of me, is more than most in the world has, I find that peace and joy easily replace worry. This is something that my children teach me. The joy of having a favorite food, or a soda on a hot day, rejoicing over playing a great game with their friends and laughing at the fact that you can make another person laugh. Where is worry to be found amongst such? “Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” Mark 10:15

The Eyes to See

Often in Good Dirt we asked reflective questions. These are great for children beginning in about late 2nd grade depending on the child, but any earlier and it goes something like this... On Mark 10:32-45, "What has the Son of Man come to do? How can you serve others today?"

After asking this young children will often look at you with a blank stare, or if you've got a budding comic on your hands it might be more like, "I think he's come to eat dinner with us. And Legos are my favorite."

For children under the age of roughly eight, the beauty of the Seasons of the Church are in the ritual. ("Rhythm" if you are not Catholic.) It's the daily opening of the Bible and quietly listening to the same stories that will seep in over time, over years. The reflective questions are of little help.  The questions will help the older children and certainly the adults, but the younger folks don't quite have the language to express what they know is true. Their knowledge of the subject is limited.

I know you're thinking, "Just what do they know?"  They know that goodness is something they want. No kid wants bad stuff. None. In my years of teaching I never saw a kid who wanted to be bad. Yes, there were many who couldn't find their way to goodness, but they always wanted it.  Goodness is a characteristic of God.

They know that truth is good. They may not always tell the truth, but they always want the truth told to them. No child likes deceit.  Truth is a characteristic of God.

They will always stop and wonder at beauty. Children under the age of eight will still follow a butterfly around the yard just to catch a glimpse of it's beauty. They will pick the petals of a rose to feel the beauty in their fingers. Beauty is a characteristic of God.

So how do we teach them the language they need? How do we help them connect with the goodness, truth and beauty of God?

When you tuck them in for the night ask,

"When did you see something good today?" Then remind them that God is good.

What made you happy or sad today? (This is telling the truth about themselves. This is the first truth we learn.)

What did you see today that was beautiful?

Don't choose all of these. and don't look for a specific answer. Let them simply work their knowledge of God into language. It's a bit like when they first learned to talk. Lots of babbling, many mispronunciations, joyful laughter and celebration.

Going for Gold

Olympic season and the Quinns are taking in some winter sports in Russia these days! We're rooting not only for the USA but also for Norway, Switzerland, and the Ukraine. Our high-schooler is part of a competition in his Global Community class and his threesome bid for these countries in their class Olympics. They chose well; we've celebrated more than a few golds.

It's fun to watch these exotic winter games and witness the amazing victories, along with the crushing upsets, injuries, and nerve-wracked sub-par performances. As we do, though, the mom in me can't help but ask questions that span far beyond Russia. It's these questions that run deep and wide, but that really circle back to the heart of each one of us and what it is that we're really striving after.

Is it gold medals and physical accomplishments my kids look to as the height of success? Does the personal training and dedication of these athletes mirror, for my kids--and, yes, for us parents--the training we do on the inside of us in our life with Jesus? Does the single-focused living these athletes must embrace point us toward single-focused lives where Christ is Coach and Trainer and we choose a run with Him that is for a lifetime, no turning back and in pursuit of a prize that doesn't wear out?

Or does the glory dwell just here, in Sochi and in the athletic accomplishments on snow and ice?

God's timing is good. On a Friday night we open Good Dirt and read from Mark 10. Two disciples are asking Jesus about receiving places of honor next to him someday in glory. Jesus proceeds to turn glory upside-down as he answers. "Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. "

So, we talk about serving, about using our bodies for others and getting nothing in return. We talk about seeing the needs of other people and thinking about how we can meet those needs. We talk about praying. And we ponder the question, "How can you choose not to get your way?"

The next morning, this mom continues her own pondering. I'm banking on the fact that God's Word is alive and active. The words of Jesus take on a life inside my kids that no skier slaloming down a hill can ever do.

And then, before climbing out of bed I flip on a light, prop my pillows and read these words from Dallas Willard:

But Christ-likeness of the inner being is not a merely human attainment. It is, finally, a gift of grace. The resources for it are not human, but come from the interactive presence of the Holy Spirit in the lives of those who place their confidence in Christ, as well as from the spiritual treasures stored in the body of Christ's people upon the earth. Therefore it is not formation of the spirit or inner being of the individual that we have in mind, but also formation by the Spirit of God and by the spiritual riches of Christ's continuing incarnation in his people, past and present--including, most prominently, the treasures of his written and spoken word. ~ The Great Omission: Reclaiming Jesus's Essential Teachings on Discipleship, pp. 105-106

Thank you, God, for speaking into the Olympics. Thank you, Jesus, for speaking with your life and truth into this family and into this global community of people who need, more than anything, your gift of grace.

SQUIRREL! (Or, Dealing With Distractions)

Wow. Keeping a five-year old's attention is a chore. At least it is with our little dude. We've been trying different ways to help him listen to Good Dirt devotions. Sometimes I start making things up during the reading to see if he notices ("then Peter got on a motorcycle and started doing wheelies!") His sister thinks it's hilarious, but usually it goes over his head. One night we tried offering him M&M's if he could answer questions based on the reading. But mostly we just say stuff like "Are you paying attention?" "Stop squirming." "Get off of your sister!" "What did I just say?"

I figured it would get better after he got into the habit of daily devotions, but alas, three months in we're still dealing with distractions every night. Not unlike the dog from Up.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSUXXzN26zg]

It's hard to help everyone keep focused night after night. I might have a better attention span than a kindergartener, but I'm not immune to distractions (case in point: I'm writing this blog post while watching the Olympics, texting and playing a game on my smartphone). In fact, I think the distractions are what have derailed our family devotions in the past. After the excitement of Advent and Christmas, we tend to run out of gas after a month or so--then we get distracted with other things and the habit slips away.

Epiphany is also called Ordinary time. Carolyn has been learning a lot lately about finding God in the ordinary, but doing that takes discipline to avoid distractions. Because the ordinary seems so--well, ordinary. It's easy to get caught up with distractions and miss the still-small voice. But God is patiently waiting to give us the gift of His presence if we'll put down the phone, turn off the TV and listen.

And stop chasing the squirrel.

Moments in Time

As most of you know Wendy my gorgeous wife paints houses now and then with her sister Christy.  Their most recent accomplishment was wall papering a "castle" outside of Delta (Delda for those who speak Deldonian).  I call it a castle because it sits on the south side of Grand Mesa, is 11,000 square feet and has just a magnificent feel to it.  A secret door, a giant tiled living space that could fit a half basketball court in it, a kitchen that makes cooks like myself drop to their knees exclaiming "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!"  Anyway you get the idea.  It's a nice place. Last week I was in "Delda" with my two boys while Wendy and Christy were working at the castle.  It was one of the very snowy days of the week and I'm in our Buick Lasabre with bald tires and the castle sits 7 miles off the hyway straight up the extinct volcano's reaches.  I, now 47 years of age,  hesitate to take the journey as it's a blizard in "Delda", but adventure awaits and my boys' sense of adventure is getting to level six on "Skylanders Swap Force" video game and the snow is lifting a bit.

The journey up goes by a ranch house with old dead monstrous cottonwood trees on one side of the road and an abandoned small orchard on the the other.  Then it comes to several chicken raising barns and then the final ascent to the castle is steep.  We make it up no problem.  After I tour the place and determine its castle-like status we venture back home after a farewell smooch from my lady.  The snow now is back with a force and our visibility is down to 50 yards.  I put the Buick in low and we just creep down getting up to a top speed of maybe 20. I start expounding on the moment with my boys, for what we can see is only just what's ahead. "What if there's only what we can see and nothing beyond?" I exclaim to the somewhat worried looking boys.

We then approach the old ranch and we can see as we near the cottonwoods several Ravens and they are fighting with a Golden Eagle.  Whiteout of snow around us and God clashing before us in battle with our enemies.  There's no show of fear from the eagle even outnumbered 12 to 1 and we in the old car as mere spectators to their clash.  The boys just exclaim (raised from their 80's era father) "cool!"

A week later I'm taking my oldest son Quinn to his tutor outside of Montrose.  She lives about 6,000 feet and has had some accumulation after several days of heavy snow so she says that her husband will meet us at the bottom of the hill to help us with the journey.  Sounds like another adventure to me so I take our SUV.  We get to their driveway and see there is probably a foot of new snow. I roar the SUV down the drive in four wheel drive slipping a bit several times to the side of the mile long treacherous driveway.  I take extra care to go beyond the limits of a 100% safe trip down the drive just to exhilarate my son a bit.  On the way out I take my time viewing the covered landscape covered with the engineered frozen crystals that transformed the mesa to something magical.  Millions of tiny mirrors reflecting beams of sunlight.  Odd shapes of snow covered trees make a rounded lumpy white terrain.  The trail is just a moment in time going through a free tour of Gods transformation.  No troubles exist here for this mile is God's orchestration.

Later that day I pick up Quinn in town from his tutor and he wants to go to his favorite pizza place for lunch.  Colorado Boy is our local fire brick oven pizza/brewery.  The responsible father in me that thinks we have sandwich stuff at home is easily swayed because I too like the pie at Colorado Boy.  While I'm there I usually help the place out and purchase a pint of Irish ale,  just to be a good patron of local business. I hold several gold medals for eating slowly and savoring the food and beverage of the moment.  However, Quinn is now a definite contender of eating as slow or slower than his old man so, we are not in a hurry.    It's getting past 1:00 pm and with the fill of beer and pizza and the view from the gunfighters seat in the booth of the quaint restaurant it all goes kinda slow motion.  The place is clearing out people are talking, laughing, enjoying the atmosphere of the fire brick oven and the brass laden bar, I see God again.  He's enjoying the moment with us.  Father and son, no words need to be spoken. These are moments I cherish and wish they could last forever.

Sin boldly

"Go to your room," I said in a firm tone. A little too firm. The offending 7 year old sulked off. Afterward my wife kindly pointed out I could've handled that with a little more gentleness.

She was right.

But here's something wonderful: I didn't beat myself up about it as I usually would. No cyclical self-analysis or inner slow-motion replay of my every motive, just a simple recognition of wrong.

This peaceful repentance came at the end of Sunday on which I had actually rested body and mind. And the rest bore fruit in an unexpected way: I sinned boldly. Boldly in the sense in which I think Martin Luther meant that oft abused quote. That is, I wasn't bound up under the tyranny of trying not to sin. So I sinned, I recognized it, I turned from it. No gluttony of guilt necessary.

And when I went to my daughter in her room, asked forgiveness--without excusing my or her offense--she had some words of wisdom for me from a story she'd heard recently. "Daddy, when someone was mean to Saint Francis he was kind to them back." Too true, small one. We hugged. God, the master recycler, had done it again. He wove sins the Enemy meant for evil into a teary eyed moment of grace.

The Long Devotion: Singing for my Supper

We have a great propensity for love, and sometimes for loving the right thing. Kids need to see their parents struggle. Kids need to be involved in our struggles. Their observations and involvement will prepare them for a healthy, mature transition into adult life.

I made a deliberate decision that my son will not observe me playing X-box games. I determined this because of the current technology addiction people succumb to.

In Korea, I often see toddlers playing with their parent’s phone. When we go out with friends, they often entertain my son with their smart phone. Later in life these parents will complain about their child’s obsession with their phone. Solzhenitsyn was right to ask, “…and who is prepared to destroy a piece of his own heart?”

There is nothing wrong with kids being quiet, or bored while adults are talking and drinking coffee. When we go out with friends, we always bring coloring books and Hot Wheels and our son has never complained. We want him to be able to acknowledge and appreciate the world around him. When he is an adult, we want him to be the man who can sit and have a conversation with anyone; to be engaging.

Adults spend a lot of time in lines, at: airports, grocery stores, libraries, amusement parks. Reflecting on one’s own thoughts is a lost art, as is soul searching. Standing in line is a poor man’s sport, but it can be enriching—if we teach that. Also, we are preparing him for parenting by modeling a parenting style that will be natural for him. When he is standing in line with his kids, he will know what to do.

I teach the long devotion. I hope I am teaching how to be the man in line that people want to be next to.

When I stand in line with my son, I often hold him up so he can see what we are doing and explain everything. I let him know when it is a good time to play, or not. Most importantly, when we hear sirens, we stop to pray for the rescuers and the victims. Faith must be active at all times.

Back to gaming. I determined that it is better for a boy to watch his dad struggle at playing guitar, than to watch him enhance his on-line stats. Ironically, a few weeks after I purposed in my heart to lead acoustic devotions, I was given an X-box 360 and a stack of great games.

I don’t know anything about making music. I can play the radio and that’s it. Struggling to accomplish something beautiful is a life-long commitment to spiritual enrichment. Accepting the challenges and punishments for pursuing Beauty is mysticism, it is a practice that both destroys and renews the soul. Men need this. Men need to be crushed by absolutes, infinite truths and tenderness. Men who are destroyed by spiritual beauty, are humbled; vulnerable. They have feelings. Men like this count the days of their lives, making them meaningful. They have perspective. They die well.

I made this commitment and began the painful process of earning callouses on my fingertips. Guitar strings can’t hold themselves down, someone has to do it. I downloaded lyrics and chords for songs I thought would be enriching to my family and my son in particular. I started with “Christmas for Cowboys”, by John Denver. My commitment includes playing in church once a month. We will learn some songs together and play them Sunday mornings.

My wife and I often hear him singing the Cowboy song to himself. That makes us happy. I chose this song because of the line: All of the good gifts given today, ours is the sky and the wide open range.

No matter where he is, or the circumstances of his life, I want him, in his heart, to be standing under an endless sky with his arms outstretched. I want him to be grateful. I think a simple song can teach him that.

I have added some new songs to our acoustic devotions, songs that I believe will cultivate the good dirt of his soul: “Man in Black” by Johnny Cash, “Downtown” by Petula Clark, “Some Days Are Diamonds” by John Denver, and “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, (just because).

A man can find and share solace when he plays guitar. I was reminded of this when my friend spoke of her father’s recent death. She showed a picture of him as a soldier in the Vietnam War. He was the guy in the platoon who played guitar and led the singing. That determined it for me. I want my son to be that man, the one who plays guitar and leads the singing, even during war (or financial ruin, divorce, loneliness, unemployment…).

There are existential truths in some songs that lift and educate Everyman. When a man knows his place in the universe he can be comfortable with his place with God.

I plan on including many Johnny Cash songs because of the street smarts he shares. When I am ready to play Man in Black for my son, I will also share a lesson about how a man needs to help others, to be associated with those in need. He is to carry a burden for those who cannot carry it for themselves.

I wear the black for those who never read, Or listened to the words that Jesus said, About the road to happiness through love and charity, Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.

Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose, In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes, But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back, Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black.

I didn’t have a dad and I’m not from a Christian home, so my devotions are going to be unconventional. But when you are teaching the long devotion, you need a song in your heart.

Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day, And tell the world that everything's OK, But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back, 'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.

-Mark Liebenthal

Dirty Work and New Growth

Kids never cease to surprise. Over Christmastide, the period of the twelve days of Christmas beginning December 25, our family had a time of sitting together and focusing for more than 30 minutes on both the spiritual parallels for the 12 Days of Christmas song and then on what spiritual disciplines are, why we practice them, and some discussion on a few specific disciplines.

We are using a book titled Good Dirt: A Devotional for the Spiritual Formation of Families by Lacy Finn Borgo and Ben Barczi (which you can download for free to use with your family or purchase in paperback from Amazon, with two  subsequent issues for upcoming parts of the church year available soon). The book has a brief family devotion for every day, centered around the theme of planting and growing--our souls, both kids and adults, are like plants that need good dirt and helpful conditions in order to grow and flourish with God. Each of the few steps in the daily devotion fills a planting metaphor: we till the soil with prayer, we plant the seed of God's Word by reading a noted Scripture passage, we water the soil by acting a story, drawing a picture, or talking about how God's Word applies to our lives, and later on we weed, considering how we applied or failed to apply these themes in our day.

Our family has taken easily to the Good Dirt format and we've experienced meaningful times of listening to God and each other. That day during Christmastide stands out because we'd had a few days of being in and out of the house, active with extended family and various activities of the Christmas season. We had not spent time in our Good Dirt devotions for three or four days and there was much good material we'd missed. On this day, we started by discovering what none of us had known:

"Some say that the words of the [Twelve Days of Christmas] song were secret code for people to remember their faith during times of persecution." ~ Good Dirt

For example, a partridge in a pear tree is Jesus Christ, two turtle doves are the Old and New Testaments, three French hens are the three virtues listed in 1 Corinthians 13: faith, hope, and love, and on it goes. This song with it's Christian faith parallels is a fun way to help kids review important, foundational themes of our faith.

The Christmastide period, being twelve days, also fits ideally for bringing into discussion each of the twelve spiritual disciplines (as identified by Richard Foster in his classic book Celebration of Discipline). These disciplines are grouped by inner, outer, and corporate disciplines and include prayer, meditation, study, fasting, simplicity, solitude, service, submission, confession, worship, guidance, and celebration. They all will be re-visited throughout the coming year in Good Dirt.

I mentioned that kids never cease to surprise, and here is why. On this day during Christmas, we didn't set out to make up all of our lost ground in the devotional. We just started reading together and one thing led to another. Before we'd realized it, we had spent time on the song, talking about spiritual disciplines, and reviewing the first disciplines covered in the days we'd missed. And our boys tracked with us on every bit of it!

Our 8-year-old has been in perpetual motion since he was a toddler. He focuses just fine but cannot stop moving his body. Every Good Dirt session he is rolling on the floor, playing with a ball, walking around, or moving in some other sort of way. He learns and processes by moving;  it's just who he is. Our 14-year-old is a teenager. He's wonderful ... and also a little hormonal at times. Our middle guy at age 11 is on the quieter side. He usually ends up helping to re-direct his brothers.

Three personalities, three stages in childhood. So, the reality of sitting for such a long period together and discussing some pretty involved areas of theology and spiritual training is something I wouldn't have thought possible or advisable for us or anyone. Yet it became a time of fun and absorbing discussion and learning.

I've often thought about how much I have read and learned and experienced in my life with God and his people in the years I've lived, and how I want to share so much of that with my kids. A lot does come up in the living of life, often at the most unexpected moments. Yet, some of what I hope to share with them, like the spiritual disciplines and some of the more complex foundations of our faith, seems to stay on the periphery of our lives together, and though these do come into conversation at times, sometimes they do so without much framework or intentional commitment toward living out and practicing these habits and truths  in ongoing ways.

Good Dirt has begun to change that. I'm learning about my kids in the process. They are deep people. They can discuss and absorb spiritual ideas typically thought to be adult territory without missing a beat. They can venture deeper in their lives with God. We can do it together and learn from one another and God in simultaneous ways.

Getting dirty together has its benefits. Everything may not work, but sometimes the things we never would have tried become the soil for a brand new season of growth.

Have you experienced a similar time of spiritual growth with your children, where a surprising and unexpected route became a catalyst? Would it help your family to try out a resource like Good Dirt?

**You can follow various families blogging on their use of Good Dirt and its themes by subscribing for free here.

Light for the New Year, Light for the Neighborhood

Used under Creative Commons License.

Part of Anne Lamott's story  has stayed with me like a persistent whisper even years after reading her memoir Traveling Mercies. A few families in her childhood opened their lives and gave her a sense of God and his Word and life with him. Her own parents didn't believe, yet in a 1960's San Francisco culture of drugs and alcohol Anne was drawn to God. She experienced life with the believing families of various friends and her own sense of a living, personal God took root.

We Quinns live in a busy suburb here in Colorado, surrounded by houses next door, behind, and across the street. Mormons live behind us, several Hindu families from India are down the street, and a mix of other Christian and unbelieving households live all around. Our culture doesn't mirror Lamott's of the '60s, but we have our own demons to be sure. We've walked with neighbors through deaths on each side of our home, one a suicide and one a father with Cystic Fibrosis. We feel the weight of materialism, strained marriages, self- and entertainment-focused living, career pressures.  Our street has seen a baby born to an unwed 19-year-old, teenagers crawling out of upstairs windows at night, a marriage happen between singles who shared a back fence, divorce, and lots of pet-sitting, lawn-mowing, house-siting, even a dog swap!

We love the people who share this little piece of Colorado with us. We've gotten to know many of them and we spend considerable time with some. I pray for neighbors almost daily as I walk for exercise, we pray for them at family meal times, and we try to follow the Spirit's moving to share the with-God life as we try and live it. We Quinns are so flawed ... we fumble all the time in loving each other and others ... we're so much on the journey ourselves. But somehow--I think it's like the mustard seed that Jesus' preached--God's presence takes hold and He enters lives.

New Year's Eve each year we get together with the family across the street. Fondue, games, and ringing in the New Year has become a tradition all the kids relish, and this year we added some Good Dirt! Our neighbor kids didn't understand about "family devotion time" so we talked about it when they came early before dinner. After the long meal around pots and platters of food, we read about Service and talked about what a spiritual discipline is. Our 8-year-old has trouble transferring that word discipline into the "good" category, so we all went round some more together on the concept, and then our teenager read about Jesus, the Light of the world. Our neighbor parents jumped in with ideas on when we might need Jesus' light in our lives. All the kids agreed that when they're afraid of monsters, Jesus' light is a good thing, and sometimes when they're at school they really need the light of Christ for help.

Those minutes of sitting together focused on Jesus were a bright spot New Year's Eve; Jesus' light indeed filled our time together. I hope these kinds of moments continue to fill our year. I want to thank Lacy and Ben for writing Good Dirt, for putting together this blogging community, and for overseeing the process as we all journey together. Jesus' light is reaching our family in warm, daily ways. And it's reaching our neighborhood family, too. We'll never be anyone's salvation. But Jesus the Savior might be. Yes, come Lord Jesus.

"Whoever follows me ... will have the light of life." John 7:12

cityscape: skyline of faith and nightmare

How do you navigate? Where do you find home? How do you choose your maps? I bought my maps from two old Greeks and a Russian dissident. I ask a lot of questions of Nobel laureates, mostly poets. I’ve had many maps over the years, but I’ve only kept a few. At some point faith needs to leave home and go on its own adventure, facing danger on its own. Faith needs to learn how to build a fire, make a shelter and find clean water. Faith needs to learn how to make a family, build community, engage commerce and, most importantly, faith needs to learn to keep watch.

The faith that we want our children to have won’t really come from the devotions we’re struggling to maintain. The paper and the printed words aren’t what make faith great, or even viable. Faith comes with callouses, walking for miles, getting lost and finding one’s way home. Faith is found when we return home.

My wife and I have to raise a boy to be a man, and a better man than his father. My wife and I have different ways of doing the same thing. She is nurturing the deep, beautiful side of the spiritual life, while I take him down the alleys of the city. I take him to the Valley of the Shadow.

Quite often we walk together just to walk together. Sometimes I take him out early morning, sometimes late at night. I don’t like to have a reason for walking together, I like to discover the reason along the way. I want him to experience life unfolding; the city blossoming in the morning, or the city nocturnal, full of real shadows.

When we head out together, we always walk through the parking lot of a church building that has a large stained glass work of Jesus tending sheep. When we walk through here, we say together, “The Lord is my shepherd.” Having him say that on his own has been my only spiritual goal for him this year. Maybe next year we’ll add the part about not wanting. Maybe.

Many times we have walked among foreign gods, military machines, prostituted women, drunken men, and known criminals. We’ve been out in all kinds of weather and pushed the limits of wisdom, but always together. I led him. I held his hand. I carried him.

You can teach a kid anything during playtime. They are vulnerable to facts and wisdom. During our walks, I lecture with my hands, opening doors for others, paying for everything I take from a store, cleaning my messes. He just thinks we’re walking to the park, but I’m teaching him along the way. I want him to intuit his surroundings as a seasoned pathfinder; mindful of who he is wherever he is. I want him to navigate with his blood, making decisions with his core, not his skin.

Are these devotions? Maybe. Certainly disciplines.

Right now the needle of your success-o-meter might be bouncing around. That’s ok. Someday he’s going to face all of this on his own (as will your children). I don’t want him to merely be ready, I want him to lead.

When we come home with muddy boots, Momma smiles because she knows we were doing our devotions.

-Mark Liebenthal