A little encouragement and guidance on listening to children this holiday season. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xrw-L-kXCOY&feature=youtu.be
An excerpt from Spiritual Conversations with Children: Listening to God Together
First, let the child know that you are interested in her or his life. Communicate that you are here to listen, not to teach or do the talking. Choose one or two of the following questions to ask the child. Notice that many of the questions begins with the word “will,” this important distinction helps to honor the child’s agency. This simple word tells children that they own their own stories and that they can choose to share them or not.
· Will you tell me about a time when you and God did something together?
· Will you tell me about a time when you knew that God was with you?
· Will you tell me a story about something good that happened to you?
· Will you tell me a story of a very strong emotion you had this week? It could be happiness or sadness or anger, anything.
· Will you tell me the story of the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?
· Will you tell me the story of at time when your felt safe or scared?
When the child speaks pay attention to…
· The child’s body language, what are they saying without saying?
· How they use words, they may have a different vocabulary for what they are experiencing.
· Notice their feelings and the meanings they make of them.
· Notice when they are silent. Hold that silence open for them without filling it with your words or actions.
· Notice when your mind starts to drift. It is a hard thing to pay attention to another for an extended period of time. When your mind starts to drift, notice what is happening in your body?
· Notice your own responses of anger, sadness, impatience, judgment, or surprise.
When to speak…
· Before speaking take a deep breath and pause. This will help you to speak from the heart and not your head. It will help you to check your responses in with the Spirit.
· To help a child continue exploring… repeat the words that seem to be important to the child, back to the child.
· To continue opening the space for the child to share ask questions such as: Can you say more about that? When did you feel that way before? I don’t think I understand can you help me?
There is a temptation to teach children and children have been trained to gladly give us the floor, so be aware of this urge and keep your responses short.
As the conversation comes to a natural close offer a word (2 sentences) of encouragement. Listen for something good in the life of the child and call it out. Use your words and your power to mark a child’s life with goodness.
As we use the gift of ears and eyes with children, we are invited to pay attention to the Spirit whispering at all times. In encouraging children, we are invited to lend our voice to the Spirit, saying “I see you. I hear you. I am near to you.” In the listening and in the speaking, we have the sacred opportunity to participate in a child’s increased receptivity to the Divine Invitation for relationship.
*links to preorder Spiritual Conversations with Children: Listening to God Together
https://www.ivpress.com/spiritual-conversations-with-children
https://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Conversations-Children-Listening-Together/dp/0830846697